In continuing to look at the five types of marriages, this week we are taking a look at The Avoiding Couple.
Are you an avoider in your marriage?
Avoiders are usually stable in maintaining their marriages; yet they don’t experience a high level of emotional intimacy and that produces more of a mutual co-existence rather than a quality marriage.
They’re called avoiders because they do their best to sidestep confrontation and conflict. They go all out to reply to one another, positively overlooking the trouble spots. Their assumption is: “If you don’t talk about the negative emotions, feelings and ideas, they’re simply going to disappear.”
Avoiders, like every couple, have plenty of concerns that they could work on together, but they deliberately duck the topics they know will make each other angry and dance around any deep-seated issues. What this couple doesn’t understand is that the ability to address and resolve conflict in a positive manner actually strengthens marriages.
The inability, or lack of desire to deal with conflict weakens them as individual spouses and their marriage. Why? Because when a couple learns how to resolve conflict, they get down to the real nitty gritty of how they feel. They have those “ah ha” moments that say: “I didn’t know that about you, or I didn’t realize you felt that way.”
Because this couple avoids conflict, they also strive to escape the ultimate conflict … divorce. Divorce avoiders continue to master negative feelings and dodge conflict because of their children, their finances, or fear about what their church and friends might think about them.
Ultimately, this couple commits to staying together for better or worse, but they’re not experiencing a deep loving connection with one another. Their marital status remains intact … but it is based on the external influences of family, faith and fortune. The truth is they’re doing more things apart because spending time together is not a high priority. While they’ve become emotionally distant, they’ve created a safe and comfortable life.
Think about this, when we try to avoid conflict in our marriage, it’s a lot like trying to avoid dealing with the sin issues in our lives. Our fellowship with God is hindered, it is in conflict, and not where He wants it to be We restore our fellowship when we acknowledge and deal with the sin issues that are negatively impacting our relationship with Him. The same is true for us as couples, we can’t have the deep fellowship that we desire with unresolved conflicts keeping us apart. So, acknowledge the areas that need to be talked about and start eliminating them one by one. Don’t be an avoider … confront your conflicts.
What Happens When You Avoid Confrontation and Conflict in Your Marriage?
