Last week we introduced to you the five categories of marriage that came from the research done by James Murray of Oxford University. And this week we want to amplify the first of his five categories: The Validating Couple.
This couple, according to Professor Murray, is going to experience the best marriage and quality of life. This couple’s ability to remain calm reduces the number of explosive emotional flare ups that could shatter their relationship. They’re called validating couples because they validate or support the value of each other by building one another up and spending time together. It rings of Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building one another up that it may give grace to those who hear.
The validating couple is intentional about displaying their love for one another through words and actions. Again, ringing of scripture…”Let us not only love with mere words or tongue, but with actions and in truth”, I John 3:18
The validating couple looks for ways to create shared experiences together rather than pursuing individual activities. While each spouse has their own dreams, goals, ambitions, they now put them in submission to the greater good of their marriage and family. Obviously, they’re going to spend some time apart to enjoy personal hobbies, but at the core of their marriage is the priority commitment to pursuing togetherness and not individuality. Murray says the most stable relationships are those which take a more old fashioned view and see marriage as mainly about companionship.
Ultimately, the validating couple has the ideal relationship. It is a true joining together of two hearts as one…each spouse caring deeply for the other and prioritizing their life, well-being, health and joy of the couple above the individual. This loving character jumps out of John 15:13…Greater love has no one than this that someone lay down his life for his or her spouse. And that explains why this couple is often seen as two eternal lovebirds, because they best exemplify the biblical idea of one flesh marriage.
