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How to Rebuild Trust After an Affair – Part 2 (the offended) 

Last week we introduced a challenging process of rebuilding trust that one spouse has after being unfaithful. We believe that it’s always God’s desire for us to stay committed to our marriages, just as He remained true to his covenant with Israel when they were unfaithful. So this week we’d like to offer some words of advice to help the offended party work through the process of rebuilding intimacy and trust.
1. Ask questions you need answered with the right intentions. Some questions may need to be asked, many do not. Do you really want to know all the sordid details? Or do you want to get to the root cause of the unfaithfulness? The purpose of your question should be to seek understanding, not to get information that can be thrown back into your spouse’s face. Good questions are not an invasion of privacy, but a way of rebuilding intimacy, trust, and empathy.
2. Respect one another. Even though you’ve been betrayed and deeply hurt, you need to fight the urge to lash out and hurt your spouse. Romans 12:17 says “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.” Ask God for help with not wanting to punish your spouse through your words, actions and attitudes.
3. Forgive, forgive and forgive some more. Jesus commanded his disciples to forgive 70 times 7 because forgiveness is something that needs to be done over and over and over again. As you move past your first forgiveness experience, you may uncover more things that will need to be dealt with and forgiven. And remember, Satan will be trying his hardest to remind you of all your spouse’s sins, hoping that you will withhold forgiveness. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
4. Take the leap of faith. Rebuilding trust and intimacy can be scary. You’re hesitant to reopen your heart, fearing more pain and rejection. It’s a daunting path for your spouse to travel to. So you both want to stay humble and broken, asking God to do his restorative work in your lives and marriage. Remember, the Bible promises us that He longs to restore beauty for ashes and to redeem what the locusts have eaten. So take that leap of faith and begin your journey back to intimacy.

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