How to Rebuild Trust After an Affair Part 1 (the offender)

October 9, 2023

Couples who are wrestling through unfaithfulness frequently ask, “How can we rebuild the trust we once had in our marriage?” That’s a great question, because trust is vital to all intimate relationships. When there is no trust, there is no safetyno foundation for intimacy to be built on. The trust of your spouse is something that most of us take for granted until unfaithfulness shatters it. Proverbs 22:1 says “a good name is to be chosen rather than great riches.”

So let me share with you some ABC’s of rebuilding Trust.

A – Apologize to both God and your spouse for the sinful action. Seeking forgiveness begins with repentance. We need to get things right with God before we can rebuild the relationship with our spouse. Clearly state your sin and acknowledge the pain you’ve caused your spouse. Detail all the things you plan to do to keep this from ever happening again. Then ask “Will you forgive me?” and wait for a response.

B – Be patient. It’s natural to be constantly grilled by the offended spouse. Don’t treat this as an invasion of privacy. Embrace it as a way of rebuilding communication and trust in your relationship. Don’t be offended if you have to answer the same question 20 different times or 20 different ways. Be careful not to use phrases like, “Can we stop now?” Or “Haven’t I already apologized enough?” Or “Can’t we put this behind us now?” Be patient.

C – Complete transparencyBe proactive in keeping your spouse in the know about everything you’re doing. Grant access to the bank accounts, phone records, online activities and your calendar. An innocent, spur of the moment detour on your way home from work can lead to fear and anxiety as your spouse fights not to assume the worst. Rebuilding trust is usually going to take a lot longer than most couples anticipate. But we know many couples who will tell you their marriages are stronger today than they were before they work through this process. If you have any questions about forgiveness or any other topic, please feel free to contact us from our website,

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