We’re asked often, “When is the right time to get some help for my marriage?” My response … you know you could use marriage coaching if (a) you’re married, and (b) you’re breathing.
Let’s debunk a few myths about marriage coaching. Nobody is going to judge, yell or embarrass you. Despite your potential fears to the contrary, coaching can be extremely painless. The only pain comes from the positive changes you will be making as you break out of old thoughts or bad habits.
There are numerous approaches to marriage coaching out there, and all varieties of marriage coaches. Seeking marriage coaching is not a sign of weakness or failure. It is exactly the opposite. Realizing you should begin marriage coaching indicates you want to be a better spouse and that takes courage. It means you take your marital responsibilities seriously.
Hey! fish don’t know they’re wet! They’re in that little fishbowl and never get an outside perspective. If you’re married, you can’t see what your relationship looks like from the outside. A marriage coach will give you a new pair of eyes and a different perspective on your relationship. Let me share four ways to know if you might benefit from some good marriage coaching.
1. If you haven’t had a marital “check-up” in a long time.
You make it a regular habit to have an annual physical … your medical checkup. A good marriage coach will give your marriage the equivalent of your physical check-up … assessing the overall health of your relationship. They may also give you some prescriptive ideas and tools where needed to help you make a good relationship … better!
2. If you’re wrestling through some major challenges.
Life is full of stressors! Having a baby? Facing a big move? Job change? Parenting issues? Health issues? Financial problems? Empty nest? All of these are major stressors and can negatively impact your marriage. A marriage coach can help you develop a strategy for dealing with life’s hectic challenges, so they strengthen your relationship not weaken it.
3. If you’re stuck and spinning your wheels
I am amazed by how many couples who are dealing with the same issue(s) for years … even decades! Here’s where marriage coaching can help you reframe the problem … and teach you new ways of communicating to effectively resolve the conflict. You and your spouse need to take care of these issues so your marriage can become a place that you both love coming home to … where you feel validated … respected … appreciated … and loved.
4. If your spouse suggests it
While you may not think you need, or would benefit from, marriage coaching … why don’t you ask your spouse if he or she feels it would be a good thing? If your spouse says it might be a good thing to pursue … it’s time to go. Understand that he/she is not saying they want coaching to put you down … to make you feel like a failure … or to embarrass you. They desire your marriage to get better … to thrive. So, honor your spouse’s request. I’ll bet deep down you want the same thing.