Pursuing your Spouse

June 26, 2023

Have you ever thought my spouse hates me? If so, you’ve experienced the truth that unmaintained marriages die a slow death, couples gradually drift apart. Unresolved issues simmer below the surface and trust withers. If we are not purposeful, those loving feelings we have for each other will fade away. If you’re feeling my spouse hates me, don’t give up. The good news is, with God’s help and some hard work, you can recapture the feeling that my spouse loves me again by taking these three steps.

1. Double down on your vow. When things appear to be at their worst, you need to reaffirm your wedding vow. Marriages are built on commitment, not loving feelings. Your promise to stay together will fuel the hard work that it’s going to take to make your marriage better. Start by letting your spouse know that you’re committed to him or her and to improving your marriage. And demonstrate that commitment by moving towards your partner as opposed to moving away from him or her.

2. Uncover the why. You may already know the reasons why your marriage is where it is. If you don’t, the most important thing you can do is discover what those issues are. You can’t deal with the problem until you clearly identify it. When you find out the reasons, seek to understand the challenge from your spouse’s point of view. Don’t get defensive on your part of the issue and take the steps needed to seek forgiveness and pursue reconciliation.

3. Don’t push. You may instinctively think that you need to take some big giant steps to begin the process of reconnecting. Be careful. Grand gestures are usually met with skepticism about your sincerity. You’re not going to close the distance between you and one giant step. Begin your journey back by taking small, deliberate steps toward your spouse. Follow through on your promises. Look for opportunities to show love. Work hard to connect every day. Phone call or text. You may feel like you’re climbing a mountain. And indeed you are. But your perseverance will gradually pay off as the path gets easier and more pleasant.

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