Marriage Decisions

January 23, 2023

We minister to over 160 struggling couples a year in our marriage hub intensives. (If you’d like some more information, go to the But people often ask me, what’s the number one problem you see in marriages? Many think it’s communication or the inability to resolve conflicts or the lack of forgiveness. And those are some real biggies. But I’ve come to the conclusion that one of the most common and deepest hurts in marriage stems from the fact that both husbands and wives do not feel like they’re each other’s number one priority. They don’t feel like they are the most important or special person in their spouses life. Let’s be honest, We live in a world filled with distractions and keeping our spouse the number one priority in our lives is a challenge. All kinds of people, places and things are battling for our undivided attention. We have kids with their school and other activity schedules. We have our jobs and all those responsibilities…Extended family, church obligation, hobbies. We have houses, yards, cars and all those other toys to take care of and maintain. And then there are those pesky technology and TV screens that are sucking our time away into some mysterious black hole.

So what’s the secret to keeping each other your top priority?

The answer’s in one word: intentionality.

You have to make a concerted effort to ward off these competitors for your time and attention. Here’s some questions to see how you’re doing…

How are our parents or other family members intruding into our marriage?
Do we seek our emotional support from anyone other than our spouse?
Do we have a couple-centered or a child-centered marriage?
How is our work intruding into our relationship?
Do we have any habitshobbies, or leisure activities that are becoming too much of a priority in our life?
How’s our involvement in church or ministry activities impacting our marriage?
Do we have a scheduled time to intentionally connect with each other on a regular basis?
Are we investing more time and energy into other friendships than we are into our marriage?

And then probably the most difficult question comes from ones we ask to our spouse face to face…

Do you feel like you’re my number one priority?
And if not, what do you see as the biggest intruder into my life?

Then we all have to ask ourselves the most important question… 

Are these things that are usurping the priority of our spouse worth losing our marriage over?

Genesis 2 ends with a very familiar phrase to most of us. “For this reason, a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife”. That powerful phrase tells us that we’re to leave all the things that will keep us from making and keeping our spouse our number one priority. So if you let your spouse slip in his or her priority spot, make a decision today that you’re going to begin to create some new and healthy boundaries for your marriage.

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