Have you ever lied to your spouse because you were afraid of the negative consequences? Do you ever find yourself hiding your true feelings because you’re fearful of what your spouse might think or feel about you?
If you’re like most of us, the answer to this embarrassing question is yes. And that means that we’re not feeling totally safe in our marriages. It seems to me that there should be no safer person on earth for me to be with than my wife. And I say that because God created us to be connected, were created in his image. And our marriages are to mirror the love that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit have for each other. They are one. There is no fear, there are no secrets. They enjoy being together.
When God put Adam and Eve in the garden, they were naked and unashamed. They were totally open and honest. There was no fear. Our fear comes from the fall. When the first couple sinned, they became afraid of God and each other. Satan was successful not only in breaking the relationship between God and man, but in shattering the beautiful intimacy that husband and wife are designed to experience. So whenever we don’t feel safe in our marriages, we need to understand that we’re not where God wants us to be because God has not given us a spirit of fear.
Here’s a definition of a safe marriage: A safe marriage is one in which you feel safe enough to say what and how you truly feel, knowing that your spouse will make every effort to understand and may even come to respect your point of view. Now, it’s easy for us to blame our spouses when we’re not feeling safe. We think if she didn’t have such a quick temper or if he would emotionally connect and really try to empathize, I would feel a lot safer. But really, the first question we need to ask is this. Am I a safe spouse? Does my life mate feel like he or she can be totally open and honest with me? If not, ask the Lord to help you become a safe spouse.
