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How to Talk to Your Spouse about Sex

It’s no surprise … talking about our physical love lives can be daunting!  Realizing that we may sound unsatisfied, selfish and judgmental doesn’t make this challenging conversation any easier.

But having the love life you desire will not happen by itself.  A positive love making experience often requires some extremely personal communication.

You need a safe and honest relationship to talk about what does and doesn’t feel good, or to ask to try something new.  Intimate discussions don’t come easy; so here are a few tips to help you get started:

1. It’s always a good idea to let your spouse know that you would like to talk about sex … before you have the conversation. Knowing that you are going to talk about this part of your marriage gives both of you the chance to plan and prepare for this important discussion.

2. Determine and agree on the best time to talk.  Obviously, this conversation needs to occur at a private time and place where you can enjoy a face to face setting with no interruptions.  Be sure to schedule it when you both will have the time and energy to stay engaged.

3. Start your conversation by affirming your partner’s desire to please you.  Then move onto describing your needs, wants and desires. Use “I” statements and avoid putting blame on your partner.  Use the proper vocabulary … no code words.  Be specific.  Stay positive … remember the goal is to make your love making experience more enjoyable for both of you.

4. Listen carefully.  Be open and honest.  Accept personal responsibility for the things you can improve or change.  Avoid making excuses for yourself and listen with an open mind!

5. Ask questions to get clarification.  “I hear you saying that you would like me to touch you more … where and how would you like me to touch you?”

6. Once you break the ice on this topic you will see that one conversation won’t be enough.  So be sure to schedule a regular date night to keep this conversation alive?

You can alternate your date night topics with conversations about emotional and spiritual intimacy … they all work together!

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