How to Talk to Your Spouse About Sex

September 25, 2023

It’s no surprise talking about our physical love lives can be daunting. Realizing that we may sound unsatisfied, selfish and judgmental doesn’t make this challenging conversation any easier. But having the love life you desire will not happen by itself. A positive lovemaking experience often requires some extremely personal communication. You need a safe and honest relationship to talk about what does and doesn’t feel good, or to ask to try something new. Intimate discussions don’t come easy, so here’s a few tips to help you get started.

It’s always a good idea to let your spouse know that you’d like to talk about sex before you have the conversation. Knowing that you’re going to talk about this important part of your marriage gives you both a chance to plan and prepare for it to determine and agree on the best time to talk.

Obviously, this conversation needs to occur at a private time in place where you can enjoy a face to face setting with no interruptions. Be sure to schedule when you both will have time and energy to stay engaged.

Start your conversation by affirming your partner’s desire to please, then move on to describing your needs, wants and desiresUse “I” statements to avoid putting blame on your partner and use proper vocabulary. No code words. Be specific and stay positive. Remember, the goal is to make your lovemaking experience more enjoyable for both of you.

Listen carefully. Be open and honest. Accept personal responsibility for the things you can improve or change. Avoid making excuses for yourself and listen with an open mind.

Ask questions to get clarification. I hear you saying that you would like me to touch you more. Where and how would you like me to touch?

Once you break the ice on this topic, you will see that one conversation won’t be enough. Be sure to schedule a regular date night to keep this conversation flowing. You can also alternate your date night topics with conversations about emotional and spiritual intimacy too. They all work together.

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