Loving vs. Smothering

November 7, 2022

Someone once said a relationship is like a blanket…it can leave us struggling for air or enfold us in a warm, safe embrace

When you love someone, your desire to be with them is driven by your proper motives, such as your spouse’s best interestsgenerositycare and concern. When you smother someone, your desire to be with them is driven by negative motivations such as insecurityselfishness, and fear.

In 1 Corinthians 13, the Apostle Paul states love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it is not self-seeking. So how do you know if you’re loving your spouse or smothering your spouse?
Here’s some thoughts to consider:

  • Do you follow every single one of your spouse’s social media interactions?
  • Do you have a little panic attack each time your spouse talks to a member of the opposite sex?
  • Do you routinely check your spouse’s call logs and voicemail messages?
  • If your husband or wife does not return your call or your text within a few minutes, do you keep calling, keep texting until he or she does?
  • Have you ever faked an illness or a depression or a miscellaneous ailment just to keep your spouse from leaving you?
  • Do you routinely accuse your spouse of not spending enough time with you?
  • Do you need constant reassurance that he or she loves you?
  • Do you need to hear I love you at least a few times a day for certainty?

If you find yourself guilty of many of the behaviors on this list, it’s time to face the fact you could be smothering your spouse and not loving. How can you change? Stop using love as a way to control your spouse. Give space for the relationship to grow. We’ve all heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Stop craving for attention and begin focusing on the needs and wants of your spouse. As you begin to love the way the Apostle Paul shares in1 Corinthians, you’ll find your intimacy will grow.

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