90 Percent of Failing Couples Have Stopped Asking this Simple Question

June 20, 2017

My wife Janeen and I are coming out of one of our busier seasons of life.

Over the spring, we had five of our boys involved in sporting events … add in the school programs, graduations from pre-school, keeping up with homework, and trying to get used to having a newborn again … those challenges left us pretty worn out and EXTREMELY busy!

Unfortunately for most married couples, as life gets busier, communication is one of the first things to suffer.

Sharon Rivkin, a counselor and author on marriage therapy, states that 90% of the struggling couples she works with have stopped asking the simple question, “How was your day?”

Why is that question so important?

As a fan of good literature, I’ve come to appreciate the distinct stages in the plot of a novel.

They typically start out with background information about the events, setting and characters. That leads into character growth … rising action that occurs and whets your appetite for more … until you ultimately get to the climax … or most important part of the story that leads you to the conclusion.

As Janeen shares with me daily, I’ve become familiar with the “characters” in her life and our kid’s lives and likewise, she knows mine. I have a strong understanding of the plot lines that have been forming over the years … and know where the struggles and joys have come.

If I come home annoyed that something didn’t work out at the last minute, and I’m quiet and my mind is wandering, she doesn’t immediately assume it’s about her or get anxious or worried or hurt … because she knows what’s going on in my life … she knows the challenges that are occurring at work … at church … and in my friend’s lives.

We “check-in” multiple ways and at multiple times.

A simple text or Facebook message to Janeen asking how the kids did in the morning getting up … how the doctor’s appointment went … or how was lunch with your friend … keep me up to date and in tune with her life.

Every evening after the kids are in bed and it’s just the two of us, we catch up on the events from the day before we veg out to something on TV.

By continuing to communicate like this, we’ve been able to build unity … and build relationship even during an extremely busy season of our life.

Why don’t you start asking, “How was your day?” … TODAY!!

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