Love Doesn’t Humiliate
Love is an action not a feeling…part 6.
Scripture Focus
“Love does not dishonor others…” (1 Corinthians 13:5)
Scene: <Sunday outside church>
People are milling around after service. Couples are chatting. Someone asks a casual question.
Friend: “So how’s your week been?”
Sandy: (Smiles) “Busy, but good. We’re trying to get the house back in order.”
John: (Laughs) “When she says ‘we,’ she means me.”
(He grins at the friend.) “I’m basically the only functioning adult in our house.”
Friend: (Chuckles awkwardly) “Oh… wow.”
Sandy: (Forces a laugh) “Okay…”
John: “I’m kidding. I’m kidding.”
(But he keeps smiling like he’s proud of the line.)
Sandy looks down and the conversation moves on, but something has shifted … her shoulders tighten and her eyes go distant.
A few minutes later, walking to the car—
Sandy: (Quietly) “Do you realize what you did back there?”
John: (Confused) “What? I was just messing around.”
Sandy: “It didn’t feel like messing around. It felt like you embarrassed me… like you made me the joke.”
John: (Defensive) “Come on. Everyone knew I was kidding.”
Sandy: “Maybe. But I didn’t feel protected. I felt exposed.”
He doesn’t have a comeback for that.
After a pause, he exhales.
John: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to humiliate you.”
Sandy: “I know you didn’t mean to. But I need you to treat me like I matter… especially in front of other people.”
John: nods slowly … “You do matter. I’ll do better.”
Dishonor in marriage is rarely intentional—but it is often habitual. It shows up in dismissive tones, public sarcasm, eyerolling, or joking at your spouse’s expense. It appears when private struggles are shared publicly, or when frustrations are vented to others instead of addressing each other.
Over time, dishonor erodes safety. A marriage can survive disagreement, but it struggles to survive contempt. When dignity is lost, vulnerability disappears—and intimacy soon follows.
To honor your spouse is to treat them as someone of great worth. It means guarding their dignity in public and private, in words and in silence. Honor speaks with respect even in conflict and protects the marriage covenant when emotions run high.
In marriage, honor communicates: You matter. Your voice matters. Your heart is safe with me.
Honor does not mean avoiding hard conversations or pretending everything is okay. It does not silence truth or ignore hurt. Rather, it insists that truth be spoken in a way that preserves dignity.
Dishonor often comes from frustration that has gone unresolved. When we don’t feel heard, we’re tempted to vent, belittle, or withdraw. Love chooses a harder path … the path of respectful honesty.
Jesus consistently honored people others dismissed. He spoke with respect to the broken, the sinful, and the overlooked. Even when confronting wrongdoing, He never stripped people of their worth.
When dishonor creeps into marriage, it is often because stress has overshadowed reverence. Jesus invites us to see our spouse in a new light … not as an obstacle, but as a beloved partner made in God’s image.
Reflection Questions (Discuss Together)
- Where might I unintentionally dishonor you through words, tone, or actions?
- How do we handle conflict in ways that protect dignity?
- What makes you feel most honored by me?
Practice for the Week
Practice “protective love”. Speak about your spouse as if they were always in the room. Address concerns directly and privately. Replace sarcasm with sincerity and criticism with curiosity.
Prayer
Lord, teach us to honor one another as You honor us. Guard our words, shape our hearts, and restore dignity where it has been lost. Amen.
