Love is an Action not a Feeling (Part4)
When comparison fades, the need to prove ourselves often surfaces. This devotional explores how love lets go of self-promotion, choosing humility and quiet faithfulness instead. It invites couples to love without needing recognition.
Love Does Not Boast
“Love does not boast…” (1 Corinthians 13:4)
Scene: <Saturday morning in the kitchen.> Mark is meticulously arranging fruit into a smoothie blender. Sarah walks in, still in her robe, holding a coffee cup.
Sarah: “Morning. Did you see the school e-mailed about the field trip?”
Mark: (Doesn’t look up, continues slicing) “Already signed it … paid … and e-mailed the teacher to confirm she got the permission slip. I also made the kids’ lunches for Monday because I know you have that big meeting.”
Sarah: “Oh. Thanks. I was going to do that, but—”
Mark: (Chuckles, shakes his head) “Sweetheart. You know you’d forget. It’s okay. You have a lot on your plate with … whatever you do. But honestly, I don’t know how this house would run without me. I think I’ve reached a point where I just … I have a higher standard of care for our life, you know?”
Sarah: (Sighs) “A higher standard? Mark, I work too!”
Mark: (Puts blender lid on, smiles condescendingly) “I know you do. And I’m proud of you. But I’m just saying, I am the one who makes sure the finances are sorted, I handle the scheduling, I bring the mental energy to our partnership. Sometimes I feel like I’m parenting the kids and managing the household. It’s hard being the “better half” all the time, but it’s just who I am. Someone must be the rock.”
Mark turns on the blender, drowning out any potential reply.
Boasting in marriage is rarely loud. It doesn’t usually sound like bragging—it sounds like reminding. Reminding our spouse of how much we do, how hard we try, how right we were, or how often we sacrifice. It shows up when appreciation feels uneven or when we feel unseen.
In these moments, boasting becomes a way of asking for validation without admitting we need it. Instead of saying, I feel overlooked, we rehearse our résumé. And over time, that quiet self-promotion creates distance rather than connection.
Love that does not boast is secure enough to serve without spotlight. It trusts that faithfulness matters even when it goes unnoticed. In marriage, this kind of love chooses contribution over comparison and humility over recognition.
To love without boasting means you don’t need your spouse to keep score of your sacrifices. You love because you are committed, not because you are collecting credit.
This kind of love does not deny effort or suppress honest needs. It is not wrong to desire appreciation or to communicate hurt when sacrifices feel invisible. The issue is how we go about it.
Boasting turns contribution into competition. It subtly communicates, I’ve done more than you, rather than, I want us to understand each other better. Love seeks understanding, not advantage.
Jesus never boasted, though He had every reason to. He served quietly, loved faithfully, and entrusted His worth to the Father rather than demanding recognition from others.
When we find ourselves boasting in marriage, it may be a sign we are carrying our worth alone. Christ invites us to rest in God’s affirmation so we can love freely—without needing applause.
Reflection Questions (Discuss Together)
- Where do I feel unseen or underappreciated?
- How do I usually express that feeling—to seek connection or to seek credit?
- How can we affirm one another more intentionally?
Practice for the Week
Replace self-promotion with gratitude. Instead of highlighting what you’ve done, intentionally thank your spouse for something they do—especially something that often goes unnoticed.
Prayer
Father, free us from the need to prove our worth to one another. Teach us to love with humility, trusting that You see every faithful act. Amen.
