Do you struggle with money in your marriage?
Adam and Connie‘s combined income puts them in the upper middle class, so we assume they’ll have no money issues. Not true! Though they make good money, they’ve never learned to manage it effectively. Like many, they don’t keep track of where their money goes. In fact, they have individual accounts and enjoy not answering to […]
How to Get Started Praying Together as a Couple
“Speak only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs [not your needs, but theirs] that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) “Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. […]
How I took Karen from Frustration to Inspiration with my Reaction!
“Speak only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs [not your needs, but theirs] that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) I was heading out the door when Karen asked: “What do you want for dinner?” I knew she would be busy all day and was nervous about leading […]
6 Steps to Fighting Fair in Your Marriage
Do you resort to extreme or irrational tactics when you’re “fighting” (slamming doors, exaggerated motions, etc)? Do you need to have the last snarky word? Do you get historical … when you’re hysterical … bringing up past wounds and offenses? If you answered yes to any of these questions … you need to learn how […]
What Do Your Ears Say About Your Marriage?
“Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (NLT) “You’re not listening to me!” Kathy blurted. John was preoccupied with the Sports page. “I heard you,” he half-heartedly responds. “Well … what do you think we should do with Billy?” the frustration was mounting in Kathy’s […]
Learn What Makes this Type of Couple the Most Prone to Divorce
Murrays’ fifth, and final, couple type is by far the most destructive combination of spouses. The “Hostile Detached” couple is comprised of one spouse who is fiery and looks for opportunities to argue and fight; while the other is a hostile avoider, not caring enough to discuss the issues, but actively expresses his or her […]
Has your marriage turned into the “Cold War?”
What happens when an avoider marries a confronter? You have what Murray calls a “Hostile” couple; and they’re often engaged in a “cold war” marriage. Let’s look at the definition of the word ‘hostile’: “unfriendly … antagonistic … unkind … opposed or averse to … disapproving … and unsympathetic.” Now let’s define ‘cold war’: “an […]
6 Practical Steps to Get Off the Marriage Emotional Roller Coaster
Is your marriage riding an emotional roller coaster? If so, you may be what Professor Murray calls a “volatile” couple. Volatile couples, as their label implies, are unstable; doing their marital dance on the devoted / divorce borderline. Spouses are like microwaves and flash freezers. Their emotions, whether positive or negative, instantly heat up and […]
What Happens When You Avoid Confrontation and Conflict in Your Marriage?
Are you an “Avoider” in your marriage? Avoiders are “stable” in maintaining their marriages yet don’t experience a high level of emotional intimacy which produces more of a “mutual co-existence,” rather than a quality marriage. They’re called “Avoiders” because they do their best to shun confrontation and conflict. They go all out to reply to one […]
Does Your Spouse Validate You?
Last week we introduced you to the 5 categories of marriage that emerged from research done by James Murray of Oxford University. This week we will amplify the first of his five categories: the Validating Couple. The Validating Couple: according to professor Murray, will experience the best marriage and quality of life. This couple’s ability to remain […]