When Getting What You Want Isn’t What You Need
Scripture Focus
“He (Abram) went in to Hagar, and she conceived. When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress.” Genesis 16:4
“Then Sarai said to Abram, ‘May the wrong done me be upon you …'” Genesis 16:5
Opening Vignette
For years, Kevin and Lisa had dreamed of owning a larger home.
They prayed, saved diligently, and worked countless extra hours. Finally, the opportunity came. They purchased the beautiful house they had always wanted.
Family admired it … friends celebrated …it felt like a dream come true.
But within a year, something unexpected happened.
The big mortgage created new financial pressure. Kevin worked longer hours to keep up with expenses. Lisa felt increasingly overwhelmed, caring for a bigger home while spending more time alone. Family dinners became less frequent. Conversations became shorter. The house they believed would bring them greater joy and happiness quietly introduced new stress into their marriage.
One evening Lisa looked around their beautiful living room and quietly said, “We finally got what we wanted.”
Kevin nodded.
Then she added, “I’m just not sure we got what we needed.”
Many couples eventually discover that obtaining what they’ve long desired doesn’t automatically produce the peace they imagined.
Sometimes success simply exposes deeper issues that were already there.
Marriage Reality
We naturally assume that if one problem is solved, life will become easier.
- “If we could just have a baby…”
- “If we could just get out of debt…”
- “If I could just get promoted…”
- “If we could finally retire…”
There is nothing wrong with pursuing good gifts. The danger comes when we begin believing that achieving our goal will satisfy the deeper needs of our hearts.
While circumstances can change overnight … the condition of a marriage usually does not.
What This Kind of Love Really Is
Sarah’s plan appeared to work perfectly.
- She gave Hagar to Abraham.
- Hagar conceived.
- The objective had been accomplished.
But almost immediately, everything began falling apart.
- Hagar despised Sarah.
- Sarah blamed Abraham.
- Abraham withdrew from the conflict.
- Bitterness spread through the household, and what began as an attempt to relieve pain created years of heartache.
The tragedy is striking.
- The pregnancy was real.
- The child was real.
- The success was real.
- But so were the consequences.
This story reminds us that accomplishing our objective is not the same as accomplishing God’s purpose.
How often do we chase something believing it will finally bring contentment?
- A better income.
- A different job.
- A new home.
- A busier ministry.
- A fuller schedule.
Sometimes God graciously provides those things … Sometimes He withholds them.
But whether He gives or withholds, our deepest peace has never depended on possessions, achievements, or fulfilled dreams.
It has always depended on walking closely with Him …and closely with one another.
Healthy marriages learn to ask a better question than, “Did we get what we wanted?”
Instead, they ask, “Did this draw us closer to God and closer to each other?”
Because success that weakens a marriage is not truly success.
God measures blessing differently than we often do.
What Love Is Not
Love does not believe that happiness can be purchased, achieved, or manufactured through changing circumstances.
It refuses to make an idol out of success.
Love understands that no career, possession, accomplishment, or milestone can replace the peace that comes from trusting God and nurturing a healthy relationship.
The strongest marriages are built on shared faithfulness … not merely shared achievements.
A Better Way Forward
Take time this week to evaluate not only what you’re pursuing, but why you’re pursuing it.
Ask yourselves:
- “What are we hoping this will do for us?”
- “Are we expecting this success to give us something only God can provide?”
Pursue your dreams.
- Work diligently.
- Plan wisely.
But never allow your goals to become more important than your relationship with God … or with each other.
Some of life’s greatest blessings are found not in getting everything we want, but in discovering that Christ is enough while we pursue it together.
Prayer
Father, thank You for every good gift You provide. Guard our hearts from believing that success, possessions, or accomplishments can satisfy what only You can fill. Help us pursue our goals with wisdom while keeping our marriage rooted in Your presence rather than our circumstances. Teach us to measure success not simply by what we achieve, but by whether we are becoming more like Christ and growing closer to one another. May our greatest desire always be to walk faithfully with You together. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Growing Together
Reflect: Has there ever been a goal we achieved that didn’t bring the satisfaction we expected? What did that experience teach us?
Talk Together: Are there any dreams or goals we’re currently pursuing that may be carrying unrealistic expectations for what they will do for our marriage or our happiness?
Live It: This week, thank God together for one blessing you already have instead of focusing only on what you’re still waiting to receive. Practice contentment while continuing to trust Him for the future.
Take It with You
Getting what you want is never as important as becoming who God wants you to be. Success without God’s peace will never satisfy the human heart.
