As love becomes patient and kind, comparison begins to lose its grip. This third devotional in our series addresses one of the quiet disruptors of intimacy—envy—and invites couples to move from competition to celebration. Let’s take a look at …
Love Does Not Envy
“Love does not envy…” (1 Corinthians 13:4)
Here’s a story from one of our intensives …
The car ride home from the awards banquet was suffocatingly quiet, the air thick with unspoken resentment. Maya (not her real name) kept her eyes locked on the road, still buzzing from the standing ovation she’d received for her marketing campaign, a win that had finally established her as a lead in her department. Beside her, David (not real name) stared out the passenger window, his jaw tightly clenched, radiating a palpable, cold indifference.
“That dessert was incredible,” Maya ventured, trying to break the ice, her voice echoing in the small space.
“Was it?” David replied, his voice flat, devoid of emotion. “I barely noticed. Too busy watching everyone kiss your feet.”
Maya’s smile faded instantly. She had expected her husband to be proud, to be her biggest fan. Instead, she was met with a passive-aggressive swipe that turned her moment of triumph into something shameful.
“David, it was a big deal for my team. It’s been a hard year,” she said softly, justifying, as if she needed to apologize for her success.
“Sure, it’s a big deal,” he retorted, finally turning to look at her, his eyes narrowed, his voice laced with bitterness. “Must be nice to have it handed to you, while I’m drowning in paperwork just to get a ‘good job’ email from my boss.” He continued, undermining her achievement, making her feel small for being happy when he was not.
Maya felt a familiar pang of guilt and sadness, a feeling that often accompanied her wins, forcing her to diminish herself to avoid threatening him. She knew this feeling wasn’t about her success, but about his insecurity. As they pulled into the driveway, she realized she wouldn’t be celebrating tonight, but instead walking on eggshells, trying to navigate her husband’s jealousy of her success and career.
Envy should feel out of place in marriage. After all, we chose each other. We share life together. Yet envy, or jealousy, can quietly slip into even the healthiest marriages, not toward other couples, but toward each other.
We desire our spouse’s freedom, success, personality, or ease. We compare workloads, emotional energy, or recognition. One spouse feels overlooked while the other feels overburdened. Left unspoken, envy turns into resentment—and resentment erodes intimacy.
Marriage was never meant to be a competition, but resentment keeps score.
To love without envy means choosing gratitude over comparison. It is the ability to celebrate your spouse’s strengths without feeling diminished by them. It recognizes in marriage one spouse’s success is not the other’s loss.
In a healthy marriage, love says: “We’re on the same team! Your joy becomes my joy. Your progress strengthens us both”. Love does not ask: “Why do you get that?” but instead says: “I’m thankful God gave that to us.”
Love that envies believes there isn’t enough—enough appreciation, enough opportunity, enough affection. It quietly assumes God has been more generous with one spouse than the other.
Envy often hides behind sarcasm, criticism, or emotional withdrawal. Rather than asking for what we need, we resent what our spouse receives. But love refuses to compete for value or visibility within the marriage.
Jesus never envied position or recognition. Though fully God, He laid aside status and chose humility. He rejoiced in the Father’s will rather than competing for prominence.
When envy shows up in marriage, it may signal a deeper question: Do I trust that God sees me, values me, and is providing for me too? Christ invites us to rest in His sufficiency rather than measure ourselves against our spouse.
Reflection Questions (Discuss Together)
- Where do I find myself comparing my role or experience to yours?
- Are there unspoken resentments I need to name?
- How can we better celebrate each other’s gifts and contributions?
Practice for the Week
Speak affirmation out loud. Each day, name one thing you genuinely appreciate about your spouse’s role, gifting, or effort—especially in areas where comparison has crept in.
Prayer
God, free us from comparison and quiet resentment. Teach us to rejoice in one another and to trust that You are generous with us both. Amen.
