Scripture: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
The holidays are often described as “the most wonderful time of the year,” but for many couples, they can be the most painful. The lights, music, and celebrations can feel harsh when your heart is heavy. Grief has many forms: the loss of a loved one, a broken relationship, a dream that has not come to pass, or even the emotional wounds from past holidays. Sometimes grief is fresh and overwhelming. Other times it is quiet but persistent — a dull ache beneath the surface.
Couples often experience grief differently. One spouse may express emotion openly while the other withdraws. One may want to talk while the other prefers silence. One may feel ready to celebrate, while the other feels guilt or sadness about experiencing joy. These differences are normal — but if unrecognized, they can create emotional distance at the very time connection is most needed.
Psalm 34:18 offers comfort: God draws close not to the festive, but to the brokenhearted. He does not wait for your emotions to align with the season. He meets you exactly where you are. The story of Christmas itself is rooted in a world full of sorrow, longing, and need — a world waiting for hope. Jesus came into darkness, not celebration. He came to heal what hurts and restore what’s broken.
In marriage, acknowledging pain is not a sign of weakness; it is an invitation to intimacy. Couples grow closer not by avoiding grief but by navigating it together. The healing begins when you slow down long enough to ask each other, “How is your heart doing — really?” and when you create room for honest answers without judgment or pressure.
But grief is not the only kind of hurt couples face. The holidays can also magnify areas of emotional or physical disconnect. A busy season filled with obligations can cause communication to shrink to surface-level interactions. Stress diminishes affection. The emotional load grows while intimacy shrinks. Couples may find themselves feeling alone — even while sleeping in the same bed.
Rebuilding connection doesn’t start with grand gestures; it begins with presence. A gentle touch. A listening ear. A shared prayer. A moment of stillness. When couples practice small acts of emotional and spiritual tenderness, the distance begins to close, and healing becomes possible.
Practical Takeaways
- Acknowledge grief together. Talk openly about who or what you’re missing this season. Give each other permission to feel without trying to “fix” anything.
- Create space for silence. Sometimes the most healing thing is sitting together quietly, holding hands, or praying in stillness.
- Rebuild emotional connection. Ask thoughtful questions: “What’s felt heavy for you this week?” or “Where do you need comfort right now?”
- Nurture small moments of intimacy. Start with soft touches, kindness, gentle words, or small rituals of affection that rebuild trust and closeness.
- Invite God into your pain. Pray together for comfort, wisdom, and renewed connection. God meets couples in their deepest valleys with His deepest peace.
Grief may shape your holiday, but it does not have to steal its meaning. When you turn toward God and toward each other, even the painful seasons can become places of tenderness, healing, and unexpected hope.
