Taking off the Masks
Halloween, although not my favorite, is such an interesting season. For one night, it’s perfectly acceptable—even expected—to wear a mask or disguise. Kids and adults dress up, pretend to be someone else, and step into a role that’s not who they really are.
But have you ever noticed that some “masks” feel a little too comfortable? Sometimes we discover that we’re not just wearing them on Halloween — we’re wearing them every day.
We wear the “I’m fine” mask when our hearts are actually heavy.
The “I’ve got it together” mask when we’re feeling stretched thin.
The “I’m strong” mask when we’re actually exhausted.
And in marriage, those masks can quietly build distance between two spouses who love each other deeply.
Ephesians 4:25 gives us a beautiful but challenging command:
“Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
If that’s true for the body of Christ at large, how much more should it be true in marriage — where two become one?
“Putting off falsehood” isn’t just about avoiding lies. It’s about dropping the pretense — refusing to let fear or pride keep us from really being known. It’s about creating a space in marriage where truth can live comfortably.
Think back to Genesis 3. When Adam and Eve sinned, the very first thing they did was to “hide” from each other. They covered themselves with fig leaves (there wasn’t too much costume material to work with!) and avoided God by hiding in the leaves. God pursued them and asked a question He already knew the answer to: “Where are you?”
It wasn’t a question of location — it was a question of relationship.
He was saying, “Why are you hiding from Me? Why are you pretending?”
That question still echoes today — not just between us and God, but between husband and wife: “Where are you? Are you still behind a mask?”
Marriage, at its best, is a place where both spouses can be fully seen and still fully loved. But that requires courage — the courage to take off the mask.
Here are a few ways we can do that:
- Be honest about your heart.
It’s okay to admit, “I’m struggling,” or “I feel distant.” When you invite your spouse into the truth of your heart, you invite God into it too.
- Be gracious when your spouse opens up.
When your partner takes off their mask, it’s sacred ground. Handle their honesty gently — that’s where trust grows.
- Pray for truth and tenderness.
Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any places where hiding or pretending has crept in — and to replace it with compassion and understanding.
- Celebrate realness.
Real love doesn’t need to be polished or perfect. It just needs to be genuine. Every time you choose authenticity over performance, you’re strengthening your marriage.
Halloween is a time for masks, but marriage is meant to be the place we take them off.
When we live authentically, we give our spouse the gift of the real us — the one God is shaping and refining. And here’s the beautiful part: when we risk being seen, we often discover that we are more deeply loved than we ever imagined.
That’s the kind of love Christ modeled — not a love for who we pretend to be, but for who we truly are.
