As school has resumed and many have dropped children off at college, it’s a good time of year to be reminded of something that often surprises couples…the second most vulnerable time for divorce is during the onset of the empty nest years. That’s because the number one cause of divorce is not an affair, money problems or irreconcilable differences. Those are symptoms of the real culprit…the absence of any intentional, emotional, physical and spiritual investment into their marriages. Apathy will slowly strangle and kill any marriage. Many empty nesters have concentrated more on their children and careers than they have their marriages and mates. The problem surfaces when their kids and jobs go away. They discover that their love for each other has quietly vanished too. Jesus said, “Where your treasure is there your heart will be also”. Whatever captivates your time, energy, talent and treasure will ultimately seize first place in your heart. So if you’re not giving your spouse your prime time talent, treasure, and the energy they deserve, you’ve put your marriage in a perilous place. The good news is, with some intentionality, you can reverse the curse of apathy. Here’s five suggestions.
1. Share a quickie devotional together. Find time to read from your Bible or favorite devotional book and pray for each other as you launch out into your respective days. This acknowledges your dependency on God, gets you talking about your day and strengthens your spiritual intimacy.
2. Greet each other with a hello or goodbye kiss. It’s a great reminder of the physical and emotional connection that you share together as husband and wife.
3. Share a 30 second hug, a warm embrace every day. Remind your body, soul and spirit of your love, connection and commitment.
4. Check in. Call text or email updates to one another throughout your day to see how things are going and to make sure you’re both on the same page about what your plans are for the evening.
5. Schedule a regular time of uninterrupted conversation. Relationships need meaningful conversation to grow. So find a time to turn off the TV, computer, put down your phone and talk.
Many of us are disciplined about making deposits into our retirement accounts so we can enjoy those wonderful years. But let’s not forget to make regular deposits of intentional attention into our spouse’s love banks so that those years could truly be golden.
