For those of you who may be single…Have you ever caught yourself thinking “I’d be much happier if I was married, so hurry up and find somebody?” Well, if so, let’s take a minute to think about what God may want you to be learning while you are single and how these lessons could prepare you for marriage. Let’s look at three lessons.
Number one, get to know yourself better. It’s vital that you get to know who you are before you’re married. What are your core values? What are your core beliefs? What’s your personality? Are you an introvert? An extrovert? We’ve worked with many struggling married couples who have learned the hard lesson that opposites attract. Then they attack.
Second, make a list of what you want in a spouse. Whether you’re single or dating, take some time to think about the previous relationships you’ve been involved in and make a list of the qualities you want and need in your future spouse. You may even want to chat with your parents. I know it seems a little weird, but they’re going to know what kind of person will be right for you. Then make another list of deal breakers. What are some of the things that cannot be true of any future spouse and then share those with the people who know and love you. So if the wrong person tries to sweep you off your feet, you’ll have some friendly accountability to help you see clearly. And when you do meet the right person, you’ll know.
And finally, work on becoming a whole person. If you’re looking for someone to complete you, you’re not emotionally or spiritually healthy enough to be married. Looking for a spouse to fill that hole in your heart is only going to lead to disappointment. No one’s capable of filling that void in your life except God himself.
Following these three steps will give you a healthy sense of personal independence and will build some solid boundaries around your heart that will protect you from abusive relationships. So during your journey of singleness, ask God to teach you what you need to learn to become the person he wants you to be, which will actually make you a better spouse…if and when that day comes.
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