Someone once said, “A relationship is like a blanket: It can leave us struggling for air, or enfold us in a warm, safe embrace.”
Over the last few weeks we’ve been looking at 50 ways to build your marriage.
Today, we’d like to look at the topic – loving vs. smothering in the relationship.
When you love someone, your desire to be with them is driven by your proper motives such as: your spouse’s best interests, generosity, care and concern. When you smother someone, your desire to be with them is driven by negative motivations such as: insecurity, selfishness and fear!
In I Corinthians 13 the Apostle Paul states, “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy … it is not self-seeking.”
So how do you know if you’re loving your spouse … or smothering your spouse? Here’s some thoughts to consider …
- Do you follow every single one of your spouse’s social media interactions?
- Do you have a little panic attack each time your spouse talks to a member of the opposite sex?
- Do you routinely check your spouse’s call logs and voicemail messages?
- If your husband / wife does not return your call/text within a few minutes, do you keep calling/texting until he or she does?
- Have you ever faked an illness/depression/miscellaneous ailment just to keep your spouse from leaving you?
- Do you routinely accuse your spouse of not spending enough time with you?
- Do you need constant reassurance that he/she loves you? Do you need to hear “I love you” at least a few times a day for certainty?
If you find yourself guilty of many of the behaviors on this list … it’s time to do face the fact you could be smothering your spouse … and not loving.
How can you change? Stop using love as way to control your spouse. Give space for the relationship to grow … you’ve all heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder!
Stop craving for attention … and begin focusing on the needs and wants of your spouse.
As you begin to do love the way the Apostle Paul shares in I Corinthians, you’ll find your intimacy will grow!