Are White Lies OK in My Marriage?

May 4, 2015

Everyone tells a white lie; but we need to ask ourselves why?  Some believe that white lies save relationships, ease hectic situations, or buy time.  The danger lurks in that once we get started it is too easy to keep lying more and more.  Now those “small, little, insignificant” cracks in our integrity grow into serious flaws that threaten to crumble the foundation of our marriage … trust.

When the foundation of a building loses its structural integrity, it becomes unstable, wobbly and ultimately uninhabitable.  The same is true in our marriages.  When our personal integrity erodes, the supports of truthfulness and trust deteriorate; leaving a marriage that is unstable, wobbly and could ultimately be uninhabitable!

Are you being totally honest in your marriage?  Are there things you are holding back or don’t want your spouse to know?  Are you transparent in sharing your true feelings?

If your spouse saw your financial records, and where you’re spending your time, or who you’re talking with on the phone or chatting with online; would he/she be surprised … or angry?  Are you feeling lonely, trapped, or like you’re about to explode; but haven’t let your spouse know?

If this describes your marriage, here is a list of things you can do to begin rebuilding your foundation again:

1st – Make a decision to unconditionally love your spouse and to stay in this relationship.  This will make you both feel safe enough to be truthful.

2nd – Acknowledge and share any hurt feelings with your spouse.  Talk about how the lack of trust has, or can hurt your relationship.

3rd – Make a decision to forgive your spouse – even if all your feelings aren’t there yet.

4th – Develop a plan for accountability.  If your struggles involved money, plan for a monthly “reconciliation” of your funds that outlines where expenditures are being made.

5th – Renew your commitment to integrity with God and with your spouse.

If you continue to sow dishonesty and “white” lies into your relationship, you’re going to reap the results of a crumbling foundation.

If you sow honesty and forgiveness, you’ll begin to see that foundation getting shored up and will gain the joy of a strong Godly marriage bond.

Proverbs 10:9 states, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.”

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