One of the little phrases that we teach couples at our marriage hub intensives is this…“If you want a better we, become a better me”. That makes sense because the two of us are one, and what one does will impact the oneness. So the question becomes, “How do I become a better me?”
There are at least two answers to that question, and the first is rooted in the idea of self-care. I’m not talking about excessive pampering or self-indulgence. I’m talking about our need to develop a strategy for taking care of our heart, soul, mind and strength….the four parts of our being that Jesus commanded us to love God with.
Our heart battery deals with how we’re feeling. Are you feeling encouraged, discouraged, happy, or sad? All of these feelings impact how we behave in all of our relationships.
Our soul battery deals with our link to God, and we all do our walks with God differently. But we all need to be right with Him and we need to be fed from his word.
The battery of our mind powers the control center of our thoughts and our beliefs control our words and actions. That’s why Paul tells us to “Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”
And finally, the battery of strength is linked to the physical condition of our bodies. Are we eating well? Sleeping well, resting and taking care of our temples? Because if the temple isn’t healthy, nothing is healthy.
These are the four batteries that power our lives. And when they’re fully charged, we’re in a good place. When they’re depleted, we’re burned out. So in order to become a better me in your marriage, you need to make sure that you’re charging your batteries regularly. How do you do that? Well, only you can answer that question because we don’t all charges our batteries the same way. So sit down and develop your self-care plan by asking yourself, “How do I charge these 4 batteries in my life”? Because self-care makes you a better you. It’s vital to the health of your marriage.
And the second answer to our question “How do I become a better me?” is this…You have to assume personal responsibility for the health of your marriage. Let’s face it, we all want to blame our spouses when our marriage isn’t where we want it to be. But one very prominent marriage author declares that you are your biggest marital problem. So let’s imagine that a couple is not speaking to each other. Both spouses are holding onto their pride by refusing to break the silence. But where is it written that one spouse can’t choose to step up and say to him or her…”This is ridiculous. We can’t go on like this”. I’m going to break the silence with that choice. A conversation starts, a conflict’s resolved and the couple moves on. All this started by the deliberate choice that one healthy spouse made because he or she understands that if we want to become a better we, we have to be a better me. Remember this and repeat after me…“If you want a better we, become a better me.”
