Have you ever experienced the wonder and privilege of having someone who’s a cheerleader for you? One who always believes the best about you, who speaks your praises in front of others? It’s a great feeling. It’s so many of us who are married don’t feel like our spouses are cheerleaders. That’s funny because when we were dating, we were great at it. Then we got married and somehow our perspectives changed. Someone has jokingly stated that we started out being our spouse’s number one admirer and almost instantly become his or her number one critic, all by means of one single marriage ceremony.
Well, how can we get back to becoming one another’s greatest admirers?
First, we want to readjust our attitudes. The attitudes and postures of our hearts determined the words and the actions that flow from our beings. We have the ability to reframe our thoughts about our spouses. We can choose to either notice the positives or to focus on the negatives within their lives. We can choose to either breathe life into them or suck the life out of them all by the words we say and the things we do. So how can we readjust our attitudes towards our spouses? One suggestion is to sit down and make a list of all the gifts, talents, strengths and things you love and appreciate about your spouse. Once you have that list, put it in a place where you can easily find it… the nightstand, somewhere on your desk, or in this day and age, a file on your computer’s desktop. The idea is when you’re not in a good place with your spouse, pull up that list and thank the Lord for the wonderful gift you have in him or her. This exercise in expressing gratitude will positively readjust your attitude.
The second way we can become our spouse’s greatest supporters is by realigning our words. There are tremendous power in the words we speak to our spouses privately and in public. Proverbs 18:21 says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”. We teach couples at our intensives that there are five kinds of words we need to speak to each other as husbands and wives. They are words that are respectful, words that are affirming, words that are caring, words that are encouraging, and words are appreciative. Let’s take a quick look at each one of those respectful words or words that honor our spouse’s judgment and their abilities. We say things like, “I really respect your decision”. Affirming words build up and validate your spouse’s behavior and actions. “Hey, you did a great job. I’m impressed”. Caring words. They seek to connect at a heart level. “I’m sorry,” “Can you tell me more”? Encouraging Words are words that bring courage, and we all need that. “I know you can do it. You’ll do a great job”. And finally, appreciative words express the full worth and value of your spouse. “Thank you so much for your help. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
So take a few minutes right now and start to list the things you love about your spouse and then use it as a script to start speaking life into him or her. When you become your spouse’s biggest cheerleader, your marriage will become the ultimate winner.
