I’m sure you’ve heard the iconic Beatles song “All We Need is Love.” And there have been literally millions of love songs written all proclaiming the same message…the only thing you need to make a relationship last forever is love. And unfortunately, our culture has bought hook, line and sinker into what I believe is the biggest relationship lie of all. And that is that love will keep us together. Why is it a lie? Because the love these folks are singing about is a feeling that they would define as the ideal feeling that you feel when you share that “you’ve never felt that way before”. So, is there any wonder as to why we see couples calling it quits and breaking up? Too many see marriage as an emotional love affair built on pleasure and passion. The problem comes when one spouse believes that he or she has lost that loving feeling and the marriage is over. And the search for someone else to make him or her feel the way that they’ve never felt before begins again and again.
So if love won’t keep a couple together, what will? The answer is one word…commitment. You see, marriage is a commitment that is made between one man pledging to one woman that they will strive to become one over their lifetimes. Over 50 years ago, Karen and I made a commitment to each other. We called them wedding vows, and we pledged to stay together for better or worse, richer, poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. And like a lie, it was easy at the time because our hearts were filled with love for one another. But commitment means staying true to what you said you were going to do long after the mood in which you said it has evaporated. Karen and I did hope to keep that loving feeling. But the realities of life and living together caused us to wake up some mornings not feeling the love. So we need to remember that our marriage isn’t just about our happiness. It is to be an example of God’s love for all who know us to see. Marriage was created to be a mirror of who God is and how He loves. We as male and female have been created in his image and the coming together of a man and a woman in marriage is a further reflection, a deeper reflection of who God is and how He loves. God loves you and me unconditionally. If we’ve established a personal relationship with Him through his son Jesus, he’s promised to never leave us or forsake us. He’s made an unconditional commitment that he will stay with us no matter what. Our marriages should reflect that unconditional love and commitment for the world to see as well. Marriage is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect spouse. To be in love isn’t about maintaining some strong feeling. It’s a willful decision to keep a number of promises. So how about you? Is your marriage built on love and feelings or commitment? There’s only two options regarding commitment. You’re either all in or you’re out. There’s no middle ground.
