Today’s marriages can be extremely challenging to maintain. Slammed schedules, parenting problems and the tribulations of technology all erode the loving connection between spouses. It’s not malicious. It’s apathy that’s leading our marriages into a potential death spiral. When we fail to keep our marriages our highest priority, intruders will invade and widen the gap between spouses.
Here are some ways you can stop the marriage death spiral from affecting your marriage:
Keep your faith first. The saying is that “Couples who pray together stay together”. The number one way to keep your marriage together is to keep your shared faith in the center of your relationship. Couples who are committed to God and doing marriage his way are building on the foundation that is strong enough to weather any storm that comes. Ask him for wisdom in combating the enemies of your marriage. This brings us to the second step…
Evaluate your present status. One of the first signs of death spiraling is the decreased amount of meaningful communication between spouses. When you’re just sharing facts and giving reports, you’re not emotionally connecting. And that will starve your marriage. Have an open and honest conversation about where each of you feels you are in your marriage today. This is not to be a time of blaming or shaming. It’s a time to pledge to take some corrective action.
Reevaluate your priorities. The first step to corrective action is to identify those invading intruders. Who or what is getting more attention than they deserve? This is not a time to blame. It’s a time to identify the persons or things that are undermining your marriage. Some of these may be friendlies…Kids, family members, jobs and church are all good things, but they have to be subordinate to your relationship as husband and wife. Once you have your list of intruders, develop a strategy for reprioritizing them.
Purposeful romance. The longer your marriage goes on, the more challenging romance becomes. That attitude of “we’ve seen, done, and said it all” steals the magic that once was. So we need to take some time to plan to enjoy some date nights for you to enjoy. They don’t need to be expensive or elaborate. They can be a walk by the water, a bike ride together, or a snuggle in a mickey D’s booth. What’s important is that you make some prime time for the two of you.
Pulling out of a death spiral is hard work. It takes urgency and strength, but the results are well worth the effort.
