We do marriage intensives here at The Marriage Hub and many of our struggling couples come thinking that we have some new undisclosed information or a magic wand we can wave or some secret sauce that will fix or heal their marriages right away. I tell them that if I had any of those things I wouldn’t be sitting here…I’d be sailing in my yacht or lounging on some tropical island paradise. But instead I tell them of my quest to lose some weight. When I went to the gym hoping the same thing our couples hope for…an easy solution, some painless way to drop the pounds, some magic pill I could take. But the trainer said, “This is gonna be hard work!” as he picked up a set of dumbbells and started working me. I was sore, I was tired, I wanted to quit but when I started to see the results, the work became worth it and much more tolerable.
We all know that’s true…anything worth having is going to take some sacrifice commitment and a lot of hard work and potentially painful hard work to achieve. The problem is we live in a culture that tells us the exact opposite by saying things like “If it’s real love then you shouldn’t have to work hard at your marriage.” Really?? I believe marriage is not only worth the effort but will require some heavy lifting.
Here are five benefits of doing the hard work in your marriage:
First one is hard work reveals and it adds value to your relationship. We work hard at the things we want to see grow and prosper. We don’t waste our time and energy on things we don’t value. So willingness to do the heavy lifting in your marriage is a sign that you treasure your relationship with your spouse and you are ready and determined to knuckle down and invest more effort, which will deepen your commitment to strengthening it.
Second, difficulty breathes endurance and strength. At the gym, my trainers believe the more weight and repetitions added to my exercise, the stronger I will become. The exertion it takes to do this programmed hard work makes me stronger and burns more calories. The same is true in our marriages. It takes some planned and programmed hard work to help our marriages get stronger.
Third, we protect the things we work hard for. The more blood, sweat, and tears that you invest in your marriage the more fiercely you’re going to protect that investment. It’s more difficult to walk away from a marriage that you poured so much time and energy to build…it’s worth fighting for.
Fourth, diligence strengthens character. When you’re pushed to what you think are your limits and you experience a breakthrough, you feel euphoric. Not only are you physically and mentally stronger, your character has grown too. You see that your desire and determination are two key ingredients to success in any arena of life. Remember the admonition in the book of James…to be thankful for the trials and tribulations that come our way because God’s using it to build his likeness into us.
Finally, heavy lifting produces results. When you hear and see how to do your exercises properly, you will see the results on the scale and in the mirror and when you learn how to positively work through the challenges in your marriage, you’re going to notice your commitment and communication are getting stronger. You might also notice that there is more openness, connectedness, and intimacy from the challenges that your marriage might bring you. So, make the commitment to do the hard work it will take to produce the relationship that both of you are longing for.
