How do you forgive a person who was never supposed to hurt you in the first place? A person who is supposed to have your best interests at heart. A person who is wounded. Who weakened your marriage and damaged your family. How do you forgive your spouse? The answer, while it may sound easy, can be very difficult. You do it the same way God is forgiving you. You know, the Bible tells us over and over again that we need to forgive one another. Matthew 6:14-15 says “If you forgive those who sinned against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
When we play the victim card and say “My personal pain and hurt are more important than the command I have from God to forgive”, who’s the bigger sinner? Our selfishness and pride are also inflicting wounds on our spouses, weakening our marriages, and alienating our families.
So what does it mean to forgive? True forgiveness has three ingredients…
First and foremost, forgiveness is a choice. I must decide whether I want to hold on or to let go, to remain bitter or to get better. We must choose between following our feelings and desires to judge and punish or following God’s desire for us to forgive in love. And let’s not forget, we’re God’s child because He chose to forgive us.
Second, forgiveness is excusing the penalty of our offense. It’s offering a pardon. True Forgiveness says “I’m not going to punish my spouse or make him or her pay for his or her sins against me”. And that flows from our understanding that we are not condemned by God. Our penalty of sin and death have been forgiven.
And finally, forgiveness means renouncing anger and resentment. We can’t forgive if we hold on to those powerful tools of the devil to divide couples. Our Heavenly Father desires to love us and always has our best interests at heart.
So next time you and your spouse have a disagreement, let him or her know that you’ve made the choice to forgive…just like your Heavenly Father has chosen to forgive you.
