Have you ever heard Paul Simon’s number one hit song from back in 1975 called “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”? “You just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan…Drop off the key, Lee. And get yourself free.”
Well, if you want a better marriage, you need to start with “Claim your own part, Bart. Stop with the blame, Jane. Work on you, Lou.” Take responsibility. If your goal is to have a lifelong, satisfying marriage, you have to take personal responsibility for the health and well-being of your relationship. Each spouse needs to own the fact that he or she is partially responsible for the good, the bad, and the ugly that is present within your marital union.
Let’s be honest, we all want to blame our spouses or somebody or something else for the problems that are in our marriages. But the truth is, most of the problems in your relationship usually start with you, not your spouse, but you. Marriage expert Paul David Tripp says, “I am my biggest marital problem.” The fact is, no marriage will ever be stronger than the weaker spouse. You can’t have the best marriage unless you are the best husband or best wife.
So both of you need to work at becoming the man or woman God wants you to be so that you can have the best marriage possible. Becoming the best involves asking yourself some hard questions. Where am I dropping the ball on our marriage? What am I blaming my spouse for? And how have I contributed to this weakness in our relationship? This will not only help you, it will strengthen your marriage. It only takes one spouse who is willing to work toward being happily married for the whole marriage to improve. That process is totally your responsibility. You can’t do it for each other. If you want a better marriage, become a better you.
