The other day a friend of mine shared that his wife was in a grumpy mood…she was frequently snapping at him over little things. But what concerned him was that there were times when her grumpiness moved to nastiness. He wasn’t sure what to do. Whenever he reacted to her irritability, she got even more annoyed. When he mentioned his concern she snapped “I won’t be so annoyed if you weren’t so annoying.” Sound familiar? That’s the grumpy monster in our marriage. Why is it that some of us can become irritable? There are many possible reasons for grumpiness. Many suffer due to fatigue that comes from being overwhelmed. Things like time, financial stresses, home responsibilities, parenting, marital obligations, and just the unrelenting pace of life itself can take us over the edge. Add to that the potential of worry and maybe a lurking health issue and grumpiness is something that many of us suffer from. Sometimes it’s unrealistic expectations on ourselves, our spouses, children and life in general that can lead to disappointment and grumpiness. So how do we deal with our grouchiness?
First, if we have a grumpy spouse, we want to wait to talk to him or her about the issue when they’re in a good mood. Letting your grouchy partner know how annoyed you are when they’re grumpy is a bad idea. They’re probably going to escalate. Wait for a quiet moment and carefully share how their grumpiness is impacting you. And be sure to lead with an “i” statement so you’re not accusing your spouse. For example, “I feel hurt and I often shut down when you raise your voice at me over what seems to be small matters.”.
Second, give the grumpy monster a lot of room. If your spouse is grumpy, give them some time and space to get out of their own bad humor. Their mood’s probably going to change. Be patient and pray for them that they get out of it soon.
Third, remind each other that no one is perfect, especially if you have a perfectionist. It can be very difficult for some of us to distinguish between high expectations, realistic expectations and unrealistic goals. There’s no unobtainable ambition. This can cause a great deal of suffering, both for them and for others. Help your perfectionist see that their expectations may be unrealistic and unattainable.
Fourth, live for the moment. It’s only possible to do one thing at one time. When you’re doing something, just focus on doing that. Stay fully engaged in the present and experience what you are doing. This will help you to live in the moment. Worrying about the future is going to distract you and often fosters grumpiness.
And finally, take care of yourself. Self-care is a balance. It’s a necessity. It’s not an option. It’s vitally important for us to incorporate rest. That means proper sleep, relaxation, as in remember to stop and smell the roses. Maintain spiritual connection, exercise-walk, swim, bike, play tennis, whatever. Spend time with friends and maybe get some new outside interest. All these things will help to thwart and to kill the grumpy monster that may be appearing in your marriage.