I love the oldies and there’s a line from a song that I often sing on retreats…it goes “It’s now or never.” Have you ever felt that way? You’re at a place in your life where you just feel that things aren’t where you want them to be and you need to make a change and now is the time or you’re never going to get it done.
Lots of couples begin to feel this way about each other as they approach their empty nest years. The kids are gone or are getting ready to go and mom and dad begin to panic about what they’re going to do with each other. All of those years of focusing all their attention on the kids and not on each other has eroded their relationship. And they may begin to think now is the time for me to get out of this marriage and find that perfect spouse. Well, let me say (or imagine me singing) “It’s now and never”. You’re right. Now is the time to confront that faulty thinking because it’s never time to cave in to the temptation of an affair or divorce.
So what can you do? Well, first, take a walk down memory lane and talk about all the good things in your relationship. You’ve been together a long time and raised some great kids, so there’s a lot of good stuff. You’re doing well. Celebrate this. Then you might want to talk about where your marriage is and where you’d like it to be as you enter this exciting time of your life. Identify your concerns and understand that both of you have shortcomings and are not the perfect spouse. Now, talk about the changes you need to make in your lives and in the life of your relationship to get your marriage back to where you’d like it to be. Remember, it takes less work to revitalize a tired marriage than it does to create a new one. So now is the time to never give up.
